no eye in the sky
by Like A Dove
Summary: It's been a few years since Finn has seen Rae. The breeze is warm when he spots her. It's like someone has stabbed a knife into his brain and he suddenly can't function.
1. Chapter 1

It's been a few years since Finn has seen Rae.

He remembers being seventeen and thinking that she would always be his best friend, that'd maybe she'd always be around. But times change, and people change with the times.

The first Christmas she'd come for a visit he'd had a new girlfriend. And like a coward, he couldn't bring himself to meet up with her and their mutual friends. He didn't want to see the accusatory look that she'd give him.

The second time she'd come for a visit she'd brought her new boyfriend. Finn had stayed away because, once again, he was a dirty coward, and even though he and Rae had broken up more than two years ago he couldn't stomach the thought of seeing her hanging around with some other asshole. Later, he got all the details from Chop. In the end, he wished he hadn't asked.

This year, this summer, however, there's not much to keep them away. He's single, a bachelor by choice, and last he'd heard she'd broken up with that boyfriend of hers.

The breeze is warm when he spots for the first time. It's like someone has stabbed a knife into his brain and he suddenly can't function, because he's seventeen again and hopelessly in love with this girl.

Fucking hell.

Rae's hair is longer. The sun is hitting it and making it shine. Her smile is still bright; she shoots it in his direction as she walks up to him, Chop, and Archie. Chloe and Izzy are behind her, and Finn opens his arms for a hug. Like a twat.

She pauses, hugs him back, and he feels her relax underneath his palms. As Chloe starts babbling on about her fiance, Finn racks his head and tries to recall why he and Rae broke up in the first place.

* * *

"How's life treatin' you, Finn?" Her voice is still high and lovely, and he resists the urge to sigh.

"Bullshit," he replies, "the usual." He asks her about her studies, watches as her whole face lights up. She is animated as she talks, moving her hands around and making expressions. God, he'd missed her.

She talks and he listens. She smiles at him and he sips at his pint, trying not to grin, trying not to act like an idiot.

Her words still and she hesitates, running her finger along the ridge of her glass. "You hanging around with anyone?"

Finn shakes his head, and soon he's telling her about his job, and how his cousin is getting married and he has to be in it when he _really_ doesn't want to do and how he's been thinking about getting himself a dog and… It's so easy to talk to her, but yet when her fingers brush over his knee, by accident or otherwise, his words get all tangled up. Years ago, she would've held out her palm and he would've written out his thoughts.

_Years ago._ His heart hammers and suddenly he feels a bit sad.

He gives her a strained smile, wraps up whatever he was saying, props his elbow up on the table and looks away.

* * *

They've all gone round to Chop's. Chop and Izzy have managed to get their own house, even though it's complete shit. It's a place of solace for Finn, though. He can escape here. Chop and Izzy have gone off somewhere—to get drinks, maybe—and he and Rae are left alone, as Chloe and Archie didn't come along.

He takes a deep drag from the spliff before handing it to Rae.

She chuckles and inhales, then sighs out smoke. "I smoked a lot of this during my first year at uni."

"Why'd you stop?"

"Shit beer is cheaper."

Finn finds himself nodding. His cheeks hurt from all the times she's made him grin tonight.

"And then I told him to fuck off, 'cause he was a right twat _and_ his breath smelled."

Finn laughs, harder then is appropriate, and he's sure all his ribs are about to split apart. She's laughing too, and then she's biting her bottom lip almost shyly.

He stands up suddenly and holds out his hand, and maybe its because he's stoned, and maybe it's because he's had a little bit to drink as well, but Rae feels like his again.

Maybe she never was _not_ his to begin with.

Rae takes his hand without question. She asks him what he's doing, but he doesn't answer. He offers her a mischievous smile instead and leads her out the front door. The grass is soft beneath his bare feet and he pulls her down onto the ground before laying back. Finn shuffles close to her, pressing his shoulder and legs up against her. Her body feels warm and he swallows thickly.

"Oh, the stars," she says, clearly pleased. "I've tried to memorize all the constellations at least five times, 'cause they're cool, ya know. Can never find them worth shit, though."

Finn opens his mouth, determined to spout out some crap about stars and astrology, but they fade quickly and he squeezes his eyes shut in frustration. He taps his finger against the top of her hand, an old habit he'd do before he'd start tracing out his thoughts against her skin. But he doesn't spell out anything this time. Instead, he opens up his fingers and she opens up hers and soon they're holding hands.

Rae speaks first. "I really missed you, Finn. _Really_ missed you. So much I just couldn't stand it, sometimes."

This is his Rae, brave, always the one to put herself out there first. She's much stronger then he could ever hope to be.

He turns his head to face her and she is looking right at him.

"I miss you too."


	2. Chapter 2

"I miss you too."

Rae's fingers feel cold. The night is warm, and Finn is warm, but Rae Earl feels suddenly cold with fear.

Fear is repressive. It doesn't let you do things that you might want to do, it feeds your mind false information, makes you doubt, makes you hide. Rae Earl is no stranger to fear, and she's feeling it right now.

She presses her lips together, suddenly not quite sure what to say. Usually she's the one that's talking too much. Taking a deep breath, she studies the night sky, studies the stars and with a wave a determination turns her head to face Finn. He is watching her.

She squeezes her fingers. " I just wish we hadn't stopped being friends, Finn."

She sees his throat bob as he swallows. "Me too." His voice is just as soft as hers and Rae wonders if his heartbeat is beating just as quickly as her own.

"I wish you hadn't stopped talking to me," she breathes out, and then it all comes bubbling to the surface. All the negative feelings that she's managed to hold on to for so long, feelings that she couldn't let go of because it meant that it was _over_, and even after nearly three years she doesn't want to let go of the first boy to ever love her, truly love her. After so long, she still doesn't want to let go of her best friend.

"Why did you stop talking to me, Finn?" Her words come out with more force then she means, but the young man lying beside her doesn't cringe and pull away. She's like a storm, and he's always managed to weather her.

"You left and I just…dunno. I felt like you didn't need me anymore, didn't have room for me in your new life."

"Of course I had room for you! I'd always make room for you." She'd meant to tap on an insult at the end of the sentence, but she doesn't, and her words come out serious and heavy. She's implying things.

And maybe she wants to imply them.

She's not sure what Finn is thinking. She's _never_ been sure of what Finn is thinking. And right now is no different then how it was years before, and Rae finds herself growing impatient, finds herself wishing that he'd say something, say anything.

His finger taps her hand and she sighs because she knows that he still can't find his own words. A part of her still loves him for it.

She gently untangles her fingers from his and stands up. "Lets get inside. Don't want to fall asleep and wake up on the lawn."

* * *

"I noticed that you and Finn disappeared last night for a bit." Izzy's smirks knowingly, her red hair pulled back and away from her face. She and Rae are making breakfast.

Well, Izzy is making breakfast and Rae is watching and trying not to explode.

"I've known the fucker for years and he still manages to confuse the daylights outta me," Rae says, glaring down at a plate full of toast.

"Sounds like he still makes you feel somthin', then," Izzy points out, pushing fried eggs out onto a serving platter.

Rae frowns and says nothing.

Only Izzy and Chop speak over the meal, each of them happy to carry on the conversation, with Finn and Rae interjecting every now and again.

_This is fucking bullshit._ Rae puts her fork down and mulls over her new thoughts and old feelings, trying not to stare at Finn over the table in the process.

After the meal they both leave, neither speaking more than two sentences to the other.

* * *

Later on Chloe calls and says they should all meet at the pub again, since Rae is leaving the next day. Rae agrees.

* * *

They sit next to each other. It's technically by accident, but even still, they gravitate toward each other. Finn watches her out of the corner of his eye and tries to quickly look away whenever she catches him.

It's like she's sixteen all over again.

And finally his finger is tracing over her knee.

O-U-T-S-I-D-E.

He announces that he's going out for a cigarette, and less than twenty seconds Rae claims that it's too stuffy in the pub, and that she wants fresh air. She can feel all of her friends' knowing gazes as she walks outside.

He's not smoking, just leaning up against the wall.

Rae crosses her arms and stands in front of him, raising an eyebrow.

Finn tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for breaking up with you before you left, and I'm sorry for never calling you again after."

"You said that we were going to still be mates."

"I know. I wish I hadn't—wish I hadn't…"

And Rae patiently holds out her hand palm up. He takes it, and she thinks that he's going to write something out, but he doesn't. He takes her hand in his instead and seems to use it as encouragement.

"I wish I hand't split up with you. It was a mistake."

"I wish you hadn't either."

They walk down to the chippy and talk for another three hours, and Finn doesn't let go of her hand.

When they part at the end of the night, they part as friends.

* * *

Rae is about to leave, and Chloe, Archie and Finn have shown up to see her off. She hugs Chloe, kisses Archie on the cheek, and then she is wrapped up in Finn's arms.

The hug lingers longer then is appropriate.

When he pulls away, she presses her worn, beaten cop of _The Catcher in the Rye_ against his chest.

He looks a little confused, so she answers his question before he can ask it.

"I know you only read bullshit music magazines and stuff, but it's my favorite." She shrugs, as if it doesn't matter much, but Finn smiles.

She waves goodbye and gets in mom's car.

She cries a little bit on her way back.

* * *

A month later and Finn and Rae have managed to talk to each other at least four times a week.

Rae is currently in the library. She's supposed to be studying; instead she's doodling in her diary, trying to get out her thoughts and heartaches.

Her copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ lands on the table in front of her. She jumps.

"Right. Terrible, just terrible. That Holden lad is a whiny little fuck. Couldn't get through the first ten pages."

She stares up at Finn, open mouthed, before finding her tongue. "What the fuck are you doin' here?"

He shrugs. "London is nice. Thought I'd come for a visit."

"Liar."

He simply shrugs, says nothing. But he's clearly holding back a grin.

She spends the next hour looking for a book he might like and not so subtly hinting at available flats that are open for rent.

Then she pauses, looking back at him. "You actually read it, didn't you? Read the whole thing?"

He smirks a little bit, and she answers him by kissing him.

* * *

_There's no eye in the sky_  
_Just our love_  
_No unobstructed view_  
_No perfect truths_  
_Just our love_

_—"Unobstructed Views" by Death Cab For Cutie_


End file.
